Picture
    There are so many days I wake up and the first thought that enters my mind is, "how the hell did I get this lucky?". It hasn't always been this way. Much of my adult life has been a tremendous struggle. Then, I realized I needed to change things.
     My early twenties was spent as a single mom to a beautiful little boy. I didn't know how to be a mom, so I winged it. I must have done a fair job, because he turned out fantastic. He is a young man now and is better than I ever could have hoped. I got married young and for the wrong reasons. My ex and I had another child. The children are the reason I stayed married for ten years. 

     It was during those ten years I found myself in the darkest of places. It was an abusive relationship, and he had broken me as a person. I would open my eyes every morning and dread the day ahead of me. I knew the smallest of things would set my ex off and make the day bad. I would struggle to smile and laugh for the kids. Each day was long and difficult. Finally, one day I realized I needed a change. Not just for me, but for my kids. 
     I left and never looked back. It wasn't easy. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life. I doubted myself so many times. I did not know if I could be strong enough. If I was hurting the kids or helping them. If I made the right choice. He had changed me from a strong woman into a weak girl during our time together, so being alone was terrifying. Then, I realized I wasn't alone. I had the most amazing kiddos ever. 
     I took a year to work on me. I was a mom first, before anything. I put all of my energy into my children and work. Nothing else mattered. I made a resolution to not get involved in any relationships, which I kept. I focused on healing myself, as a person. It was a long, but fulfilling year. I learned so much about myself and my children. We worked thorough our pain together. 
     During my year, I would read all of these self help books. I would roll my eyes as I paged through them. They all seemed to have such great advice, but non applicable to my situation. So, I quit reading them. I quit trying to fix me. There was nothing to fix. I realized I just needed to get rid of the poison in my life and then I was okay. When I did that, things drastically improved. I moved forward with my kiddos 
     When you are least expecting it, fate has a funny way of showing you who is in charge. One night, somewhere around my one year mark, fate showed up on my doorstep. We had known each other since high school, and fifteen years later we ended up married with a family. Now, we have an amazing life. I wake up most days wondering what I did to deserve this. 
 


Comments


Comments are closed.