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      There are just some days I can't wait until they are over so I can wallow in annoyance with myself and everyone I came into contact with that day. More often than not it just turns into me feeling like a really bad person and a horrible mom. Today was one of those days. 
    It wasn't one specific thing or even many things that made today so absolutely awful when I look back. In the end, it is how I feel about myself as a mom and a wife. 
     I couldn't keep it together long enough to listen to middle child rant about me being wrong. I should have calmly told her that she needed to use a lower tone and nicer words. Instead, I ignored her and dismissed her point of view. I am usually so good at it, and today I just couldn't. In the end, I made middle child feel bad and I feel like a failure. 

     I feel like youngest child loves the husband more than he loves me. I am so happy about that and so sad at the same time. For so long, youngest was attached to my hip constantly and I could see it hurt the husband. Now, I understand how he felt. I watch youngest climb and play on the husband and I never get that kind of attention from the little guy. Today, the husband left for an overnight business trip. I know youngest will spend tomorrow pacing the house looking for him, instead of playing with me. I feel like I am not as good as the husband. 
     Oldest child is getting so distant at times. I don't know what to do about it. I'm not worried that he is in any sort of trouble or doing any wrong. He just isn't my little boy any more and I don't know how to approach him now. He and I were always best friends and I know that time is gone, and he is growing up. I don't want to nag or make him uncomfortable. At the same time, I want him to know that I am there for him. He is a remarkable young man, I am blessed to be his mom. I feel like I am letting him down. 
     I imagine every parent has days like these. It is all about how you handle them, I guess. I know that for me, these days don't happen often because I am trying my best. Tomorrow, I will wake up and give oldest a big hug and a kiss and hope it makes a difference in his day. When I have my morning time with middle child, I will listen to her side of the argument and then explain why I disagree. Finally, I will spend most of my day playing with youngest. We will look at pictures of the husband to make youngest child smile, until daddy finally arrives home tomorrow evening. 
     
 


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