It wasn't one specific thing or even many things that made today so absolutely awful when I look back. In the end, it is how I feel about myself as a mom and a wife.
I couldn't keep it together long enough to listen to middle child rant about me being wrong. I should have calmly told her that she needed to use a lower tone and nicer words. Instead, I ignored her and dismissed her point of view. I am usually so good at it, and today I just couldn't. In the end, I made middle child feel bad and I feel like a failure.
Oldest child is getting so distant at times. I don't know what to do about it. I'm not worried that he is in any sort of trouble or doing any wrong. He just isn't my little boy any more and I don't know how to approach him now. He and I were always best friends and I know that time is gone, and he is growing up. I don't want to nag or make him uncomfortable. At the same time, I want him to know that I am there for him. He is a remarkable young man, I am blessed to be his mom. I feel like I am letting him down.
I imagine every parent has days like these. It is all about how you handle them, I guess. I know that for me, these days don't happen often because I am trying my best. Tomorrow, I will wake up and give oldest a big hug and a kiss and hope it makes a difference in his day. When I have my morning time with middle child, I will listen to her side of the argument and then explain why I disagree. Finally, I will spend most of my day playing with youngest. We will look at pictures of the husband to make youngest child smile, until daddy finally arrives home tomorrow evening.