There are just some days I can't wait until they are over so I can wallow in annoyance with myself and everyone I came into contact with that day. More often than not it just turns into me feeling like a really bad person and a horrible mom. Today was one of those days. 
    It wasn't one specific thing or even many things that made today so absolutely awful when I look back. In the end, it is how I feel about myself as a mom and a wife. 
     I couldn't keep it together long enough to listen to middle child rant about me being wrong. I should have calmly told her that she needed to use a lower tone and nicer words. Instead, I ignored her and dismissed her point of view. I am usually so good at it, and today I just couldn't. In the end, I made middle child feel bad and I feel like a failure. 

     I feel like youngest child loves the husband more than he loves me. I am so happy about that and so sad at the same time. For so long, youngest was attached to my hip constantly and I could see it hurt the husband. Now, I understand how he felt. I watch youngest climb and play on the husband and I never get that kind of attention from the little guy. Today, the husband left for an overnight business trip. I know youngest will spend tomorrow pacing the house looking for him, instead of playing with me. I feel like I am not as good as the husband. 
     Oldest child is getting so distant at times. I don't know what to do about it. I'm not worried that he is in any sort of trouble or doing any wrong. He just isn't my little boy any more and I don't know how to approach him now. He and I were always best friends and I know that time is gone, and he is growing up. I don't want to nag or make him uncomfortable. At the same time, I want him to know that I am there for him. He is a remarkable young man, I am blessed to be his mom. I feel like I am letting him down. 
     I imagine every parent has days like these. It is all about how you handle them, I guess. I know that for me, these days don't happen often because I am trying my best. Tomorrow, I will wake up and give oldest a big hug and a kiss and hope it makes a difference in his day. When I have my morning time with middle child, I will listen to her side of the argument and then explain why I disagree. Finally, I will spend most of my day playing with youngest. We will look at pictures of the husband to make youngest child smile, until daddy finally arrives home tomorrow evening. 


Comments are closed.