Daily, I struggle with balancing my duties as a mother and everything else in my life. It is a horrible feeling, the desire to fulfill yourself as a person but knowing that it is at the detriment of your children. Years ago, I made the decision to give up a career to stay at home with my kiddos. There is no more difficult, yet more rewarding job than being a stay at home parent. Even though I am content with my position as my kid's mommy, I felt like I needed more. I had a drive to use some of the brain cells that were dying off daily from the lack of adult conversation. I wanted to contribute to our family in more ways than I was.
There are some days I feel like I have it all so under control. Things are organized, kids are behaving, and I am ahead of the game. I go to bed feeling like I am a great mom and I am doing a wonderful job. I feel accomplished. Then, there are the days where if I could find the time, I would take an hour to cry because I am so buried under my workload. I have deadlines, little hands are tugging at my shirt to read books, I still have to take the kids for their walk, and dinner isn't going to make itself. I feel guilty doing my job and taking away from the kids, but I still have to.
I struggle with the fact that I want to show my children that they should set a goal and work to achieve it. Yet, by achieving my goals, I feel like I am skimping on my duties as a mommy. There are so many days I go to bed and feel like I should have done so much more with the kiddos. I feel like I am failing them as a mother. I try my best, but sometimes it just isn't good enough.
Fortunately, I get to work from home. Many parents do not have that ability, and I cannot even imagine the internal struggle they deal with. I have such respect for parents, it is such a hard job. Trying to keep a work/life balance and still raise these tiny people to be successful adults. Yet, it is the most rewarding