I never really had confidence when I was growing up. Actually, I didn't really have it when I was an adult either. In my head, I would try to act like that sultry, sexy vixen you see in movies. But in reality, I'm a goof. I'm clumsy, silly and I can't be sexy to save my life. In my twenties, I was so awkward. Completely uncomfortable with myself and my body. I would attempt to wear heels and dress up like other girls, but could never quite pull it off. I always looked like I was trying too hard, and I was. I was wired to believe that girls had to wear certain things to be pretty, or be a particular something in order to be attractive. Then, I grew up.
Most days, I don't wear make up, and I still look good. I don't run from the camera anymore, and I am content no matter what I weigh. I am happy with the person I am. I love my body and who I have become as a person. As I have grown, I have developed more patience along the way. Sincerity and kindness have also become paramount in my lifestyle, since turning thirty. My priorities have changed drastically, and I love it. I was never much for going out, I liked to party at home, but even that has ended. A great night is board games with the kiddos and cuddling with the husband. I get excited over the simple things in life, no matter what they are, I really am the world's biggest goof. I love simple pleasures and enjoying them with others. I also like time by myself, I like quiet and being in my head. I have learned to appreciate more than I have in my twenties. It seems like that decade of my life was so rushed and full of pain. I just wanted out. When I hit thirty, it was like hitting a finish line and catching my breath. I always dreaded thirty, but I never realized how enlightening it would be.
I started doing more for me. I started dressing for me, and not to impress others. I quit wearing makeup most of the time, because I'm lazy. I stopped worrying what other people think of me. I made my life much more stress free and healthy. I quit putting other people before my family and focused on what was important. Since then, my thirties have been awesome. I look forward to each new day and new experiences. I love my kids and husband more and more every day, and make new memories with them. Sure, I screw up and each day isn't perfect, but that's life. And, it is pretty great.