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     I'm obviously no longer a child and haven't been one for some time. I have three children of my own, yet for some reason it takes one phone conversation with my dad to feel like a ten year old again. I hang up and I want to jump up and down and throw a complete hissy fit like a toddler. At what point does this stop? When do your parents quit having this hold on you?
     

      Don't get me wrong, I have amazing parents. They did a really wonderful job raising my three brothers and I.  At least I'm fairly sure I turned out pretty well, so far. It could always be worse, right? But, no matter what, every time I speak to them, I feel like I am not living up to their expectations. I know they don't mean it to be that way, and it is completely in my head. But I turn every sentence they utter into some passive aggressive attack on my lifestyle or parenting. Hence, the stomping and the rant following my phone conversations with my parental units.
     Why is it that as children we have these unobtainable goals we believe our parents set for us, that we can never possibly live up to. Do we, as parents, set these unspoken standards that we push our kids towards? Are we too hard on them, even into adulthood? I find it impossible to just tell my parents to back off. Instead, I just push myself harder. Then, I ponder if I am doing the same to my kids.
     I know that I am hard on the kiddos. I push them daily, because I want them to do well. Are they going to resent me? Am I just filling them with more Thursday night shrink appointments when they reach adulthood? Should I just lay off and let them figure it out and make their own mistakes? 
     I don't know, all I can hope is that when the three kids get older they get off the phone with me, they know that I am proud of them. That I know they tried their hardest and I appreciate them. I love them for who they are and I always will, no question about it. If that is true, then I have succeeded at my  job as a mom. 
 


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