|You don't have to be perfect to be an awesome parent.|
In most two parent households, one parent is the good guy while the other is the bad one. In the kid's eyes, there is one adult that allows them to get away with everything while the other is the rule maker. In our home, I am the bad guy. I can't stand it.
It is very hard to know that the kiddos view me as the downer in our relationship. It sucks. The husband doesn't try to do anything differently, he is just much more mellow than I am. Even youngest child knows there is a difference. When he wants a piece of candy, he goes to daddy, not mommy.
I try so hard to just chill out, but there are time I fell like if I did there wouldn't be an adult left in the house. The kids are running around screaming and fighting, the house is in shambles, dinner still needs made, and I am the only one it all seems to bother. It makes me want to scream. When the husband travels, it is all so much worse. I have to play the role of both mom and dad. I make sure all of the homework gets done, help study for tests, clean the house, feed the kids, make sure they look presentable, and keep everything running smoothly. So, of course I have to be strict. If I am not, it is complete chaos. Seriously, it would be anarchy before snack time.
There are times it makes me so sad. I want to be able to be the kids' friend. I want them to feel like they can laugh and joke with me. I mean we do, but there are boundaries. Somehow, with the husband, they always take it to this other level that I just don't understand. I am always the one telling him and the kiddos to calm down before someone gets hurt or use inside voices. I'm always the killjoy. It is frustrating.
I know that being a parent is my job and my responsibility. I adore it. Then, there is this part of me that wishes I could be like the parents who are their kid's "best friends". The laid back ones with the lax rules and the dismissive attitudes. I wish I could be like that, but I can't. In my head it just isn't right because kids need structure and rules. It is up to the husband and I to teach them right and wrong. Jeez, it would be so much easier to not care though. I wouldn't get that attitude from oldest child when I tell him to clean his room or get yelled at by middle when I correct her homework.
I guess parenting isn't supposed to be easy. At least that is what I tell myself when I wallow in despair. I think I am doing it right. Well, I try really hard. Okay, well I give the kids a lot to talk to their future therapists about, so at least I am accomplishing something.
As moms and dads we all doubt ourselves, right? It is all part of the process. Tomorrow I will still be the bad guy. But, the best part is, my kids still love me as much as they love the husband, who is the good guy.