My Confession

10/14/2014

 
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     I can't be the only one. I know I can't. Most moms have to feel the same way I do. Holy shit, can't I just get two minutes for myself. 
     Why is it so hard to find any time at all where little voices aren't yelling "mommy" or the husband isn't asking where something is. In truth, I believe I deal with it pretty well. I take it all in stride, and go with it...most of the time. But then, there are those moments. The ones where I am making the mental list of everything that I still  have left to do that day, dinner is burning, someone is tattling on another, and the husband feels the need to have some in depth discussion about something right at that very moment. I feel like my brain is going to bleed and all I want is quiet.  

      I adore my family. I love them more than anything else in this life. My husband is everything to me, but holy shit does he annoy me at times. When I get frustrated with him, it is impossible for him to just let it go. The husband cannot just let me have my time and get over it, he wants to discuss it. I call him Dr. Phil. The husband loves to talk about feelings and emotions. I, on the other hand, love to stew in my cesspool of annoyance and ignore my inner voices. Most women would kill for my husband. Until you actually live with him. Then, the four hour long conversations over why I am pissed over him not starting the dishwasher gets old...quick. For the most part, the husband is pretty great. I can't complain. I have learned to deal with the Dr. Phil routine and be more open with my feelings. Just the sound of that makes me want to vomit. See, I am more open! 
     The children are another story. When all three are home, it is chaos. I thrive on it, most of the time, it is incredibly fun. There is always something going on, plenty of hugs to go around, and more laughs than a circus. Maybe not a circus, because clowns are scary. But something else that makes you laugh without the scary ass clowns. 
     Then, there is the dark side of parenting. The shit you never think about when you and your partner are saying "we should have a baby!". The tattling, the neediness, the whining, and the bitching. I can say the teenager has outgrown most of those. He has progressed to this mumbling and muttering noise when he is pissed off. I don't know which I prefer: the loud yelling and stomping of a toddler or the grumble of a teen. Although, with oldest, it is easier for me to convince myself that he is simply so overcome with joy and awe that he is unable to put it into actual words. 
     There are times it all gets overwhelming. I just need some breathing room, but it is impossible to find it. If I try to escape, someone is yelling Mommy! or Tre! It is usually at this point mommy loses her shit. 
     Moms are the glue that hold the family together. It does not matter if it is a single parent home or both parents are present. We keep everything moving. Moms don't get breathing room, because if we did, everything around us would collapse. Who would remember to cut the crust off the kiddo's toast or make the yearly checkup at the pediatrician? We feel like quitting a million times a day, but we don't because we have people who love and rely on us. Our job is like no other. There are no sick days, no vacations, no mental heath days. We go at it 24/7 because we truly love who we work for and we love what we do. 
     Next time you feel like screaming, take a deep breath. Maybe three. Chill out and know that this too will pass. It will be bedtime soon. They won't stay children forever, and then there will be a whole new set of worries. Isn't that comforting?                                                                                                                                                                       
 


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