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     Each day I am so thankful that my children and husband have incredibly low standards. I really believe this is the only reason I am still around. I truly think that the reason my kids insist I am the best mom in this world is because they have nothing to really compare it to. If they ever watched The Brady Bunch, I would be screwed.
     I see these other moms, with their homemade, pre-digested toddler snacks and biodegradable yoga pants. I feel like a failure. My kids drop an Oreo on the floor, I brush it off and hand it back to them so I don't have to listen to the whining because it is the last one. Why is it so easy for other parents? Why can they do it all and I am barely holding it together? 

      I love being a mom. It is so much fun. I honestly embrace each day until about noon, then I am counting the minutes until nap time. At that point, I get my second wind, and I love my job once again. 
     I'm having a hard time trying to find the whole work/life balance I have heard so much about. If I spend time with my family, I feel like I neglect my work. If I am working, I feel like the shittiest mom in the world. There is no happy medium. I try to spend the days with the kids, and then my nights working. That doesn't really work out very well in the husband's favor. It seems like no matter what I do, there aren't enough hours in the day. 
     How do these parents find a way to make a newborns bibs from scratch, repurpose the used diaper wipes, and have a full time job? I don't have a full time job, and if I did I think it would severely impact the wellbeing of my family. I don't understand how working parents do it. How they keep a job and a household going? I can barely find the time to get a shower some days. 
     I am not complaining. There is not a day that I would ever trade it for anything in the world. I just feel like I fall short. It seems like there are these expectations that society has for stay at home parents, and I feel like I just do not make the grade. I marvel at Pinterest and wonder who has the time to make all of these recipes and crafts. I wonder what super mom can find the time to crochet Barbie clothes, hand-paint napkin rings, make her own soap, and throw dinner in the crock pot all before noon. I know that before 12 pm I spend my day not showered, reasoning with a two year old (and losing), laundry, hiding from a toddler, contemplating becoming a recluse, errands, answering emails, and cleaning my home for the fifteenth time that day. Where am I going so wrong? Why the hell can't I make my own soap?
     It really isn't about the soap. I don't want to make soap. I am not creative enough to do any of that. I just want to feel accomplished at the end of the day. I don't want to feel so stretched at the seams. I want to be able to not feel guilty. It isn't going to happen though. As a parent we are wired to feel bad if we aren't doing our job with our children. Yet, we have obligations with our other grown-up jobs. Jeez, it stinks being an adult. It is hard, and it's bullshit.
     So, I will keep picking the snacks off the floor and handing them to the kids to eat. I will nod and pretend I am listening when the hubby is talking about mindless drivel. When I need a timeout, I will hide and pretend to not hear my name. I am not perfect. I never will be. The best part is, it is still okay with my family and they love me. I just need to love myself.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
 


Comments

Sheryl Edwards
11/10/2014 10:32am

Being a parent is the most difficult job but the most rewarding. As a parent of two sons who are now in their 20s, I have learned that being a parent does not get any easier as your children get older.

Ann Marie
11/12/2014 6:43pm

This really resonated with me today. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. I work full time and find it SO hard some days. I leave things at home unfinished to go to work and then leave things unfinished at work to go home. I feel that I can never catch up. And I often feel guilty about being away from the kids. I feel torn in a hundred different directions and often feel unsuccessful in every area of my life. That said... over the years I've learned to be kinder to myself, to recognize what I'm doing well, and to try to see myself through my boys' eyes. If only we could all do that. :)


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