For a month now, I have been in search for the perfect underwear. I wanted minions, but they were nowhere to be found. I settled on Spiderman and Batman. Not for me of course, but because youngest is ditching diapers. Well, that was my plan. He had other thoughts on the subject. 

     I bought him a potty seat last Christmas. It was more of a gift for me, than for him. A reminder to myself that I had one child left to potty train, and only a year's worth of diapers left to change. It has set in our living room for a year as a constant reminder that the last of the dirty diapers were getting tossed into the smelly Diaper Genie. I was counting the days. Youngest embraced the potty chair. He has stood on it to watch the birds outside, he has stashed his popcorn in it, he even threw the bowl in the air while we all cowered in fear. The potty seat has been well received by youngest, until yesterday. 
     I think I am a pretty good parent. I try to be, at least. The kids tell me I am, and they usually follow that up by asking for things. That is good enough for me though. I am good with living in denial. So when I prepped for a month for the potty training, I assumed I was ready. I had the right underwear, although still no Minions. A sticker book and stickers, I was ready to go. I even had a bowl of candy on back up. My ace in the hole was Sesame Street. We don't watch tv in the house, so when we allow the kids to turn on a DVD, it is a magical day. Elmo, who youngest calls la-la, was my go-to if things got way out of control. I didn't realize how bad it was going to get. Even Elmo couldn't help me. 
     I had such great visions, as all of my plans typically start out. Youngest would plop down on his potty and tinkle. He would smile at me, because I am the best mommy ever, and I had shiny motorcycle stickers for him. He would choose the green one since that is his favorite color and place it gently into his new Spiderman journal. Then, I would show him his brand new Minion undies. He would put them on, and we would hug. I would be so proud of my big boy. You know those "Nailed It" pinterest photos? This is what our potty time looked like:
     I took off youngest's diaper, and realized there was a surprise waiting for me, which wouldn't be a big deal but daddy didn't replace the empty wipes. So, I begged the boy to not move. With his diaper half off, I had to run and grab the wipes (all the while cursing daddy out). We handle the wipes disaster and I showed youngest the potty he was to sit on. He looks petrified. At first, I think he is confused, so I help him put his bottom on the soft, foam circle. The child started screaming so loud I thought the seat was burning him. He didn't move though, he just sat there and wailed, with tears rolling down his cheeks. It was as if he was superglued to the seat. Youngest child listens quite well for a child of twenty six months old.  I told him to sit on the potty, so he he stayed. He was just very unhappy about it. To the point that he was bawling his eyes out. I tried breaking out the sticker book. I had a multitude of stickers. I was so prepared for this, I thought. I showed him the race cars, the doggies, the motorcycles, the dinos, the hedgehogs, the police cars, the potties, all of them. The potty stickers made him go into hysterics. Mom of the year choice, right there. In between sobs, he chose a black kitten. Youngest wanted to take it off the page himself, and it ripped. This made him cry even harder, yep it was possible. I took the kitten sticker and gingerly stuck the kitten head to the Spiderman printed page. I then had to attempt to match the rest of the kittens body to its head as youngest child screamed his off. It was not turning out to be a pinterest worthy moment. After I got the cat body pieced together, I relented. Pulling his Batman underwear onto his tiny, shaking body, I took the baby off the potty. He collapsed into my arms and just laid there. Had I just mentally scarred him for life? Would it had been different if he had Minion underwear? Should I have used la-la? Why the hell did I forget about the candy. I am such a screw up. I totally dropped the ball on potty training. 
      Youngest child sat on my lap for a long while. I pondered the fact that he was only in underwear (not minion) and still had not used the potty. Finally, he climbed down, and ran over to his rocking chair. He sat on it and pointed to the television, "La-La" he said.  I looked at him and sprang at the opportunity. I shook my head at pointed at the potty, "No la-la unless you are on potty." He lost it. Not the typical fit two year olds have when you tell them they are not allowed to get a popsicle before dinner. An honest to god, you just killed Big Bird, you rotten person, fit. I didn't even try to negotiate. I caved with a quickness. I put la-la on and listened to the tunes on Elmo's World cover the screams of the child in Batman underwear kicking his legs on my floor. 
     Maybe next week we will try again. I am still searching for the Minion underwear. Perhaps that is where the secret lies. He loves those little things. Minion stickers too. Perhaps a Minion potty. We will crack the code. Either that, or my kid will be twenty-five, in diapers, watching Sesame Street. All because I could not find Minion underwear. 



12/04/2014 4:36pm

Ha ha ha, I know I shouldn't laugh...but I was cracking up reading this! I had one of those too!

12/07/2014 9:57pm

I am about to try to introduce my daughter to her potty. I hope she does well.

Brandy Reynolds
12/08/2014 12:20am

My son took a long time to potty train, he wasn't really completely accident free until age 5...you're not the only one! HaHa!

Norma Martinez
12/08/2014 9:17am

Awe, the end made me chuckle. I plan on potty learning with my little soon.

12/09/2014 9:34pm

Hilarious. Today we put sticker chart in bathroom after taking a break for a few months with the PT (he's decided he wants to be a baby just like his brother). We also put a picture of a toy next to it and told him that he had to have 10 stars to get it. He could care less hahaha.

12/17/2014 3:37pm

Oh man. My oldest daughter is three and we are just wrapping up potty training with her. I already dread potty training my little man. I thought that Minion (I found them at Target) and princess underwear would be the key to motivate her, but she much prefers to go commando.

12/24/2014 10:40am

Oh potty training, how it despise you. My oldest won't even give it a try. I talk about it, bribe him, beg him, nope not doing it. The younger one only a few months behind your youngest is so much more interested. Perhaps Elmo might keep him sitting long enough to go. He has gone a few times, we cheer, he gets an m&m, etc. but he won't sit long enough to go regularly. Maybe they will train at the same time lol

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