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     Marriage is hard work, right? Most married people will tell you that, time and time again. The thing is, I don't think it is all that hard, when you are with the right person. It's sort of like having a job you love. When you love that job, it isn't work. It's something you love to do. So, when you are with someone you adore, and you want to be with forever, it isn't work. It isn't hard.

     Sure, there are those days I would rather lock myself in the bedroom and binge watch OITNB on Netfix by myself, but that has no reflection on my hubby. I could be married to Hugh Jackman (my not so secret crush) and he would frustrate me to the point of demanding isolation. I'm sure we all get there. So, how do you work at marriage exactly? I suppose you do not barricade yourself in a room for weeks on end when your partner annoys you. I daydream about it, but I don't actually do it. I have found daydreaming to be a successful method to avoid arguments. When your partner is complaining, or ranting, or doing something else to drive you to the brink of insanity, daydreaming is a perfect opportunity to escape. If once in a while you nod, say "yes, hon" and give an understanding shrug, the daydream can be pulled off effectively.
     Most days I look at my husband and I know that we complete each other. His weaknesses are my strong points, and vice versa. We make each other stronger because we are together. He makes me feel incredible because he needs me. Then, there are the days I wish he didn't need me quite so much. After four years, one would assume my husband would know where we keep the kid's thermometer ( or any other object he cannot find). I do not play hide and seek with it. I don't change up where i put it just to feel needed. In all fairness, I know my hubby feels the same each time I ask him to upload all my pictures to the computer, even though he has showed me countless times how to do it. I am fully aware of how to do it. I just live in fear of deleting our memories, And if he does it, I can blame him.
     After being married you learn to accept your partner's quirks, no matter how stupid they may be. It just isn't worth a fight. So there really isn't work involved. For us, we just roll our eyes, kiss and move on. In the beginning, I would walk into my clean bedroom and trip over piles of clothing. I would find piles of mail and see mounds of jackets on our stairs. It was my husband's quirk, he piled everything. I like things in their home. I'm a neat freak. He is a piler. I explained that it was annoying and he politely ignored me. Now, he still piles and we have moved past it. I obviously have not, since I am writing about it, but it is a work in progress. 
     I have a dairy quirk. If we have sour cream, I can't use it after it has been opened more than a day, so I throw it out. I have actually improved to two days. I realize how wasteful it is, and it is completely in my head, and it totally pisses my husband off. But he loves me, so he deals. The sour cream gets that watery goo if it sits more than a day, and I can't eat it. I do know you are supposed to mix it, but then it is just inside of the rest of it. Anyhow, I know it's in my head. We just buy more sour cream, and have piles of stuff everywhere. We compromise.
     Marriage isn't hard. Marriage isn't work. Marriage is about loving all of the bullshit along with the really great stuff. Even on the worst days, you have to love it. If you don't, that is a huge red flag. I'm in a marriage that I would eat week old sour cream sitting in a room full of piled clothing, and I would still be pretty darn happy. That's love.

 


Comments

Jen Flesvig
08/21/2015 11:26am

Tre, I love this! My husband and I BOTH pile, but I get aggitated with myself that I am not more 'tidy'. Yes, my hubs & I have our quirks, too, but I constantly hear my mother's advice in the back of my mind telling me to, "Pick your battles...." That is how I get through the irritating stuff. (And, I also have a crush, but for Colin Firth & Aidan Quinn!) The hubs rolls his eyes at me when they are on TV, but he also has a crush on Korie Robertson from Duck Dynasty! So, it seems even to me. You're right, give a little, take a little deal with each other's quirks. If you find the RIGHT person, it isn't hard work AT ALL!

Marya Mann
08/21/2015 12:13pm

Tre, this is so well written. I hope to become a better writer one day and express my thoughts and feelings in ways that you do. This hit at home and I can't tell you how much I needed this reminder and read right now. Thank you.

Vicki Lauretta
08/21/2015 3:11pm

Tre this is a GREAT post! I am so much of a neat freak since my kids all grew up and left and "hubby" ( no license) is a huge piler. It irks me to no end and we had some large arguments in the beginning because I was constantly cleaning up after him. It really isn't worth it because at the end of the day, he loves me and he respects me and he treats me good. I never had that in my prior marriage. So, I have learned to turn away from his piles and he lets me keep our bedroom as clean as I want. We communicate and we compromise and we never stay angry at each other.


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